On Rest
Why am I so bad at resting?
It’s the end of a taper week for a half marathon I am running tomorrow and the extra days of rest have made me shaky, anxious, and altogether unsure of what to do with my body.
On work days, I have a desk job. I am lucky enough to have a standing desk with a walking treadmill as well as the flexibility to take quick walks most days between meetings. However, I am still largely sedentary throughout the work day. Juxtaposed with the weekends when I am constantly on the move, barely sitting down all day, the slower pace of physical movement can feel welcome. However, the reason that I typically don’t mind prolonged sitting is because it is usually paired with a run or workout in the morning before I even sit (or stand) at my desk.
On Monday, I had an extra rest day, to prepare my body for this weekend, and my mind raced. I was extra antsy, anxious, and all I wanted to do was go for a run. I went on several walks, did some shoulder rehab, and orchestrated a dance party with my children, which ended up being primarily just me dancing. While all of these things were very enjoyable and left me feeling fabulous, the impetus for them was because it felt like I was being lazy and not active enough throughout the day.
This experience wasn’t new.
I have run many marathons and half marathons at this point in my life and the taper (decreasing mileage to ensure your body and legs are fresh for the race) has never gotten easier. Going from planning my weeks and days around my runs to resting shocks my system.
When I asked my husband if he thought it was a bad idea for me to go for a run or do something else even though I was ‘technically’ supposed to be resting, all he had to do was give a familiar look. He didn’t have to say anything because I felt the words deep in my core.
No, Maggie. Rest is what your body needs. Don’t go for a run.
Why am I so bad at resting?
Why are so many women and moms generally so bad at resting?
There are so many reasons, of course.
When society expects you to do so much and never complain, doing anything less can feel like a complete failure. We are rewarded for constant productivity and self-sacrifice. The amount of times I multi-task in a day, timing everything out perfectly so that I can tetris it all together, is exhausting.
But it’s also kind of thrilling.
I love getting to the end of a day or week and feeling accomplished--ticking off items on my to-do list calms me. It’s not that I want to rid myself of my motivation or dedication to things (like running…a hobby that has turned into such a core part of me); it’s more that I need to unlearn that productivity and constant movement are the ultimate goals; to see that rest matters.
Slowing down. Resting. Taking a moment to just be.
These are things that won’t break me or make me a failure. The opposite is likely true. Taking time to rest, with no agendas, can fuel me and help me show up better in all the things and roles that matter to me deeply.
It’s like vacation mode, where I can actually relax and spend time with family or friends, sinking into the joy of loose agendas, lowered expectations of productivity, and simply enjoying my surroundings.
I am not going to be in vacation mode this week, but maybe I can channel that vibe a bit more as I end this taper week and give myself a couple of days post-race to recover?!
Anything is possible.